Thoughts for The Anxious Heart
So my sweet angels, for your reading I’ve untangled some thoughts far enough to add words to them. I pray that they touch your life & make some sense of the season you ARE IN.
I felt compelled to share this. Even though, frankly, it’s frightening. And like so many others, I’ve spent many years shielding people from anxiety & my countless other vulnerabilities . It feels utterly bizarre to now expose this once - hidden area to so many. But there is great intention behind this.
I share my heart in the hope that it might give another the permission to share their experiences. Perhaps eliminate some of the stigma, and add some clarity to that which is presently unclear.
We craft our lives to hide our weakness; to mask our vulnerabilities.
I have dealt with anxiety for nearly 10 years now. Irrational fear & worry concerning / pertaining to the day to day issues & aspects of life.
I have to emphasise and re-emphasise the word ‘ irrational’ . My fears and thoughts didn’t and don’t make sense. Every area of my life whether in turmoil or in triumph becomes a source of anxiety. It grows like a weed, resilient and unrelenting.
I find myself robbed of peace in the day and thieved of sleep at night. And recently I have become increasingly systemically unwell as a result of my anxiety.
Anxiety is unattractive, tiresome and most frustratingly a lie. Ultimately, I believe in a God that desires to heal my life, however time has also taught me that the same God has perfect, sovereign timing that sometimes goes above my ways of thinking and outside my realm of timing. So in the interim, I will take every human opportunity to learn, to serve others & to be shaped into the likeness of my Creator.
So my sweet angels, for your reading I’ve untangled some thoughts far enough to add words to them. I pray they touch your life & make some sense of the season you are in.
The Anxious Heart 💓
These are a few simple, ( non-psychology based / non-theory based) thoughts & opinions that my experience so far has taught me.
1. Remind yourself of reality.
This is one I have to prompt myself to do regularly. Remind myself of reality. Anxious thoughts have a funny way of capturing your mind and sending you into a spiral of irrational thoughts filled with fear and frankly lies. And the worst thing is, they look like the truth, but they’re not, they’re lies wearing similar clothes.
For example, I feel stupid even admitting this, but the thought of putting on weight used to cause me anxiety. I hated the notion of not having control of my appearance and I thought that if that changed then somehow, everything else would just come crumbling down (lies). I thought it meant losing control of an aspect of my life. Or maybe it was just change in general I found it difficult to deal with (not uncommon for the anxious heart, I gather. ..)
However, if I apply reality to this situation and carry this source of anxiety to its FINAL destination then it quickly becomes clear just how irrational it is.
So, I’m anxious about putting on weight.
What’s the worst that could happen? I put on weight...I weigh a few more pounds than I used to .
Nothing else changes in my life. I’ll still be alive. I’ll still be well. ( Christ will still be on the throne)
And maybe worst case scenario I have to hit the store and buy myself some new jeans. Or maybe by the gym. No Biggie.
Panic over. My anxious fear just resulted in shopping and / or looking buff. And in reality I have recently experienced this! I’m carrying nearly a stone more than I did before my wedding, an FYI I’M ALIVE.
I encourage you sweet spirits to apply reality to your thoughts. Capture your thought take it captive and don’t just banish it, rationalise it. Show anxious feelings who is boss by taking the irrational thought to it’s final destination, then rationally assessing how bad the worst consequence really is.
2. Switch off your mind ( and all of the virtual extensions of it).
If you’re predisposed to anxious thoughts and feelings, then do yourself a favour, get good at logging off & getting out of social media. Learn how to delete the Instagram app from your phone, because believe it or not, your cute little heart will keep beating. I say this because I know the implication social media can have on the most measured and least anxious of individuals. So if you feel yourself becoming unsettled or anxious, then please don’t season the soup with a concoction of altered images, filtered realities & unrealistic expectations. That’s that really. Learn how to switch off, delete apps, and get back to reality and de-clutter your mind. At least for the duration of the storm. Ps. I'm late to every train. The GIF train included. So please indulge my present GIF obsession. Spesh dis technology savvy dog.
3. Don’t eat it. It isn’t your portion
You might have anxious thoughts and get anxious. But you aren’t anxiety. It isn’t you, nor is it a label stitched onto your person. You get it. But you aren’t it.
I say this in love. But don’t eat it. Don’t indulge in anxiety like a big slab of cake. Don’t acknowledge it and then keep entertaining it anyway . And OF COURSE I am guilty of this. I’m guilty of excusing myself, ( just making excuses) excluding myself and pushing myself away ‘cause I just feel so anxious’. And in the short term it’s a real good fix. But I promise you, you only indulge in it because it’s familiar. Not because it’s tasty. In the long run, you end up on missing out on so much sweet life, experiences and opportunities. I have officially spent too many nights in my duvet / occasionally days, hiding from reality and eating of my anxious feelings like Bruce eats cake.So, on that note of don't. Allow me to advise you towards a 'Do'...
4. Do it anxious. Do it anyway.
Even if it’s small and inconsequential to the rest of the world it might be a win to you.
This time last year I experienced a horrible period of anxiety caused by grief and loss in my life and I felt so unsettled I could barely drag myself to university. I felt like I just couldn’t do it! But can I tell you, I woke up anyway. WIN. I showered. WIN. I did my face ( millions of little MAC wins) and I got my cute little butt into that lecture theatre. I won. Was I anxious? Unimaginably so. Did I do it anyway. Yes I did. And so can you.
Some days you will boss the world unhindered by a single fearful thought. Other days you might need to muster all your strength to take a shower and go to work. Do it scared, do it anxious. Do it anyway.
5. Harness your struggles and turn them into your strengths.
Anxiety has seemed to sharpen all of my senses. In many of the panic attacks I’ve had, everything has become uncomfortably loud, uncontrollably fast and overall sense-assaulting. Although a frightening, perhaps overwhelming experience, I don’t count this to be a fully negative thing. It just depends how you view it really. I have sharp senses now and in some ways all of my senses are heightened, which means I see A LOT and quickly, and I hear and remember. I pick up on people or things that are amiss. Or a little bit off centre.
I noticed that and actually I’ve harnessed it. As a nurse seeing and noticing changes in an individual’s condition can be the difference between an unwell patient that can be escalated and treated and an unwell patient who dies.
Acknowledge your weakness. Harness it as your strength.
Similar to heightened senses, anxiety for me has seemed to increase my eye for details. It has and still does cause me to be precise, planned ( in some areas of my life) and a bit of a perfectionist. So for as long as I endure it, I’m gonna attempt to to harness my struggles as a strength.
6. Be honest.
Be honest with yourself & be honest with the select few ( those that you love dearly, trust implicitly and that you know have your back). As with all people, all the time, not every day will be your finest day. But be courteous with those that you love (like my sweet girls captured in these photos) and tell them if you’re having a bit of a rough time of it. For way too long vulnerability has been sighted as weakness. But please, please know that vulnerability is strength. Knowing your weak spots allows you to work on your weakness and to equip yourself to be stronger in the future. I’ve used this analogy in my previous post, but it’s pertinent so I’ll repeat it. No athlete works only on their legs every day, that would be ludicrous. Instead they evaluate themselves, assess where their weakness lie and invest time, energy & training to strengthen that area.
In the last few years, the greatest strength I have gained is the ability to be honest. To be my most real, genuine and vulnerable self with those that I love and those that love me. I encourage you to do the same. Because truly we weren't created to do this life alone, moreover, we aren't able to do this life alone! We need others, we need what they add to our lives. And they need what we have to add unto theirs.
I have to add at this point, to be duly diligent, that honesty for some people will lead them to a doctors door or a therapists sofa. Because sometimes a pharmacological or psychological intervention may be what you need in order to take the next step safely and suitably into your next season. And only you and your closest will be able to identify this. Either way, I applaud you. I admire your honesty. And I encourage you to take your next step. Because truly, I have no doubt that within every human is a core of gold & potential just waiting to be realised. And if this is your worst time yet. Your best days are ahead. And if this is your best time yet. Well your best days are still ahead of you!!
And lastly angels. Tether yourself to the truth. Like an anchor. Truth will hold you through the storm. ( my truth, unashamedly is the Word of God) We have to get quick at recognising the truth of a situation & even faster at getting rid of all else. The truth will set you free. And I pray that each of your sweet, occasionally anxious spirits, will experience rest, peace & above all else, truth.
All my love & my sincere prayers,
have courage to take your next step,
your best days are ahead,
HF XO
OH YES and my gorge floral dress in size: super oversized, is from M&S...